Residential & Miscellaneous Callouts
He fixes everything.
He hates the name.
We're keeping both.
Mark Hopkins cannot walk past a broken thing. Not his house, not his problem, doesn't matter — if it wobbles, drips, stains, sticks, or squeaks, he is already looking for the toolkit. Friends started calling him Useful Wendy some years ago. He has never once been asked and has never once stopped.
» Mark, if you're reading this: it's too late to stop, it's now official.
About the man behind the name
A short and factual account.
Mark doesn't visit — he assesses. Within ten minutes of arriving at anyone's house, he has usually located the sticky door, the wonky shelf, and whatever's been quietly leaking under the sink since 2019. He carries superglue the way other people carry keys, has never met a stain he considered final, and once fixed a broken dishwasher on holiday in France because, in his words, "well, somebody had to."
He isn't a tradesman. He's never advertised, never invoiced anyone in earnest, and would be mildly appalled to see this website. He just cannot leave a broken thing broken, and after enough repaired taps, rescued furniture, and de-moulded grout lines, his friends decided he needed a title. He picked neither the name nor this career. Both found him anyway.
In a previous life he was a wine broker, and it shows: hand him any bottle and he'll tell you the region, the vintage, and precisely why you should have decanted it twenty minutes ago. Somewhere between the taps and the trade, he became the one person you want at dinner — he'll fix your dishwasher and pick the wine.
Recently sorted
A running, entirely true list.
Stubborn stains, removed
A near-professional record for getting things out of clothes that everyone else had already written off.
Wobbly chairs, re-glued
Arrives everywhere with superglue and the quiet confidence of a man who has fixed this exact chair before.
Grout mould, gone
Took one look at a bathroom's blackened grout lines and simply would not accept them as permanent.
Dishwasher, revived in France
On holiday at Montroche, found a broken dishwasher and left with a working one. No passport required for repairs, apparently.
The Wendy Menu
Unofficial specialities, offered whether or not you asked.
Stain Extraction & Textile Rescue
Wine, grass, mystery marks of unknown origin. If it's on the fabric, it's coming off the fabric.
Furniture Triage & Superglue Surgery
Wobbly legs, snapped arms, chairs that "still work if you sit on the left side." Not anymore.
Grout & Mould Interventions
Bathroom tile lines returned to a colour you'd forgotten they used to be.
International Appliance Rescue
As demonstrated at Montroche, France: dishwashers fixed regardless of jurisdiction or holiday status.
Faulty Electrics, Handled Calmly
Flickering, tripping, or ominously warm sockets, approached with more confidence than paperwork.
Leaking Tap Diplomacy
Drip negotiated into silence. Ask Ed Quibell.
Wine Advice, Whether Asked Or Not
Former wine broker. Will identify the grape, the region, and your bottle's shortcomings within one sniff. Corkscrew always to hand.
Car Boot Tetris
Self-rated best in the world. Undefeated, self-adjudicated, will repack your boot without being asked if he thinks he can improve on it.
General "Got Anything?" Energy
The core service. Mark will ask if there's anything that needs doing before you've finished saying hello.
Before & After
Photographic evidence, entirely genuine.
Before
After